Ultimate Survival

A few years ago I took a class called Cognitive Intervention.  We went through mock scenarios about common issues that generally cause problems between inmates.  It was an instructive class that I actually learned a lot from.  It reminds of you the best ways to meet your needs over time.  There were a lot of things about the class, though, that were hard to apply to every day prison life.

The daily course of life in prison often becomes so mundane that it doesn’t take much for it’s rhythm to be disturbed.  Brutal fights and arguments are an occurrence throughout the week.  Inmates and officers challenging each other even over the simplest of things.  You can imagine the tension and angst of 3,000 men — confined and property of the state of Texas.

There are two options when dealing with an aggressive person.  If someone puts their hands on you, you can protect yourself and fight back.  This action will unquestionably result in an infraction for a fighting case.  It seldom matters who started it, who did what, or how it ended.  The only question that will be asked is if it required medical attention or not.  Either way, you will undoubtedly receive a case.  This will send your ass to medium custody where you will only leave your cell a few times a day.  You will lose your class line and have to go before the Unit Classification Committee.  This is after you go before the makeshift court process that runs like a conveyor belt.  See you in a year.  The second option is to have your ass kicked and simply do nothing about it.  Scramble to get the guards attention.  Hide behind the spectators who are all amused by your “ho” actions.  Which is what you will be referred to from this point forward.  There is no “win” to this situation.  Lets hope you keep your teeth in tact… because there is no such thing as a cap, a crown, or a replacement here.

So in these critical moments, you assess quickly what will meet your needs the most over time. Many guys in here have absolutely nothing to lose.  They have lost everything already, abandoned their morals, and the value that they place on your life is obsolete.

I’m surrounded by guys three times my size.  Guys who grew up living on the streets, hustling and dealing. Many of them who are serving time for the one murder they got caught committing.  It’s violent, it’s foreign, and it’s the challenge of ultimate survival.  I’ve befriended many of the guys I live around each day.  I share things with them like the stories of my experiences running two businesses and what it was like when I lived in Pennsylvania.  I try to teach them the value of looking inside themselves and living for something much greater.  I stand strong and mighty because I’m proud of who I am.  I know the value of what lies inside my heart, and where exactly my courage and strength comes from.

I am literally in a third world country, surviving on the bare minimum, working long days for absolutely nothing.  In a place where covering your window with a towel to keep the freezing air off you at night, easily results in an infraction.  Broken seals, broken spirits, and lost hope and faith.  In the middle of it, often sinking from its enormity, I take a deep breath tonight and thank God that I’m still standing.

I’ve hesitated to write about all the intricacies of life inside these walls, sharing bits and pieces here and there.  This year, I’m going to bring you as close inside as possible… without shaving your head and putting you in Texas Department of Criminal Justice fatigues.  Pack your shit!!