Over the past few months, things have been incredibly stressful for me. The stress does not necessarily come from dealing with a multitude of personalities here in my surroundings each day. For the most part, I’ve learned to contend with that part of my world fairly well over the past few years.
More than anything else, it’s been the emotional and mental challenges of facing– head on– my life’s bare and harsh realities.
You’d think that life, without the obligations of functioning in a normal society would be an easy ride. However, the fact is that life behind these walls is brutal and exhausting most of the time.
Two of my closest and dearest companions (really, my only friends in here) will both be free after more than a decade of imprisonment. Just writing those words makes me think of thousands of birds taking flight. They will soon be stepping out in a world unfamiliar to them. In many ways, they will be leaving a part of themselves here with me– behind.
The complexities of having to let go is very heavy on the soul. Even after all that I have lost, letting go is still very difficult to comprehend. The tremendous pain and fear compromise the heart’s ability to recognize certain things. It is extremely difficult to recognize that, often times, when things feel like they are falling to pieces, they may very well be falling right into place.
In the kaleidoscope of life’s twists and turns, there is always something that gleams in the distance.
Just weeks ago, I met with my lawyer for the very first time. Together we discussed my case and I was able to open up and share with him every detail of my case. It was difficult to reopen those doors, but it was a great sense of relinquishment to go through these details and explain that my story is much more than black and white. This is the beginning stage of working on my Writ of Habeas Corpus. He explained the process to me, and the steps that we will be taking to ensure that there is no stone left unturned in the fight for my freedom.
I look out my window this evening and I see the beautiful sun far away, barely illuminating the dark trees.
It’s always in the distance where I search for something much greater. As intertwined as I am right now in all of my life’s tragedies and triumphs, I pray to God that the lessons he is teaching me provide me with the strength I will need to continue searching, always, for what lies ahead on the horizon.
–Keven James, August 2014